I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
