well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
