so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
