It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
