I got chris browned last night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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