What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
