Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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