just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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