Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
