Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize