Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
