I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
