my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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