"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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