I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
