I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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