I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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