apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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