Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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