A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sarcasm needs its own font
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shame - the story of my life.
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