No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
