She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
