Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize