The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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