in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need moral support for this bender
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
