Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
