There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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