I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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