did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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