he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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