ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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