STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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