Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
