What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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