i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
