This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
