Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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