coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
