So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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