Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
