I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
