Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
