I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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