Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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