she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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