Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
