So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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