I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
