im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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