Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
