one might say we're banned from that church
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
