What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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