You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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