Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can Purell be used as lube?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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