D3 body, D1 cock
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize