We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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