and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
